Relationships are so complicated. They bring pain and joy and a lot of mess along with it. I know this how? Well back in kindergarten, I had a girlfriend and we were seriously going steady. I was the cool guy in school who wielded power and so it made sense for me to have princess (no her name, I never really got around to knowing her name, being in one class and all, I might have known it at some point but forgot it. Her dad used to call her princess just after dropping her to school so everybody got on board with the princess business.) Did I mention I was so powerful I decided who went on the swing and who didn’t?(I know I don’t look like it right now but…) and I also had a pencil with an eraser on the other end which was a big deal back then.
Princess was a tiny little pretty girl with the cutest teeth gap ever and dimples to go with it. Dimples are magic! She knew English more than the rest of us, considering she was the richest kid in school and her dad was white. She had a smooth skin and her clothes could easily render your olfactory modality dysfunctional. She had a nice scar on her left thigh courtesy of yours truly. Also she was the only girl with plaited hair and had a pet. We all know everyone with a pet is a princess right? (I’m kidding). We did most everything together. Things like eating her lunch and so on. Fast forward to my point. There was this one time a couple of kids were picking on her. Being the good boyfriend I sought to defend her. I engaged the other kid in a good fist fight or whatever the hell kind of fight we had, pretty sure those were not fists. But that was one of the many mistakes I’ve ever done. A couple of boys from nowhere came at me to defend the poor chap I was working on. They beat me so much I wanted to cry and pee at the same time (I think I did). Even girls beat me up that day.
Lesson: you might have all the power but when people are fed up, they are fed up and people together? You can’t win against that.
Anyway, a teacher came to my rescue, boy must I have been so glad to see her. Princess was crying for me at this point. My pains were dressed with a cup of juice and the other boys got punished (because who beats up a poor boy whose only mistake is defending his girlfriend?). Point? My relationship with princess got me beaten up like a dog and I lost power, pain. But it also made her love me even more (or whatever was going on between us), I was her hero (I think), joy. And I guess the messed up part is the fact that we were five years old and in love.
But that’s not the story here….
Penelope, not her real name but let’s call her that. I figured it’s a name you’d give a fat beautiful lady with lovely legs and an amazing soul. Before you say anything, she is indeed fat and she doesn’t mind being called fat, unlike some who consider the word an insult. Penelope broke up with her guy. I was listening to one of Sauti Sols jam. It went something like, ‘we can fall in love again…’and it just so happened that at that moment and time I was going through my WhatsApp, catching up on conversations and stuff. That’s when I saw the stories with harsh and bitter captions. Normally, she would put up Mr. Guy’s three or four pictures and write some really sweat captions on them. Not this time. And
Because I’m such an idiot (an idiot who cares), I asked her what was wrong. I wish I didn’t because now I’m writing about it. Penelope told me too much. Then because I’m poor at consoling broken hearts, all I did was encourage her to say more. She said “That broke ass dude broke up with me on a text! Who does that? Cant he be man enough and say it to my face? After all I’ve done for him” Mr. Guy, if you are reading this thank angels you did not dare do it to her face, she’d kill you this one, literally.
Because I’m so insensitive, the only part of that story that intrigued me was the break up text. I asked for the screenshots and now I’m depressed.
Now here’s why I wrote this.
Complicated as relationships are, which they should otherwise where’s the fun? I believe they are worth it. When a man is romancing a lady, he goes out of his way. He borrows that car and take her out somewhere tranquil and say all the right words. He’d even write a poem or sing a song, I know I would. Because effort is important. Effort is required. A lady the same. They borrow dresses and shoes and all that lady-look-good-stuff. Process is good
I think break ups too should be done with more effort (I know, I sound crazy). Break ups either break you or make you or to the extreme, they destroy you which means they are an important event. I think they should be done properly. If it were up to me I’d write a letter and it would be the stuff of museums. It would be lovely but not too lovely. A bit serious but not too serious, it would have life and reasons with why’s and the works. I’d make it so reasonable that after she reads it we still remain friends no, besties. Who limits a breakup with a simple ‘we are done’ text? That’s not even right. Effort! You wanna brake someone’s heart at least try and do it right
Princess if you are out there reading this, I still fight for you.