Posted in My Tales

frozen yogurt



My phone rang. On the other end was a lady. So I fixed my voice and awoke the deep bass voice, tried to be normal about it. She had a calm-confident voice like Oprah Winfrey. I haven’t heard Oprah speak off camera to actually know her calm-confidence voice but its where my mind takes me when I think of confident women. We exchange salutations then she, after few awkward talks says she was just saying hi. I wanted to play the ‘who gave you my number’ card on her but I figured that would be me pushing my luck too far. Someone on their own volition took their time, called me and just to say hi, it doesn’t get any luckier, besides, what more can a man ask for? So I hung up.

I was really pumped up by the strange call and the mystery lady, so the following day I decided to after a long ponder on what and how to text her. I ended up saying ‘hi’ because what else was I going to say? She replied almost immediately as if she was expecting it. We talk a little bit too much and before long we were planning world domination. Ok that was too far. We didn’t actually get there. Not until our third chat where she said “I really like you”. Am single no more, I thought. We scheduled a meet at the mall and had frozen yogurt. I paid for that shit, I also got her uber later on. Myself I haven’t ever done uber. I wanted to cry when she tapped too much but hey, what’s a gentleman if not cool calm and collected right?

See clever people say that we always see our nose but our brain chooses to ignore it. This has been used in many occasions to advice and encourage people on many spheres of life’s challenges. Other times it’s just through around to show guys that you know something about the nose and the brain, like now. But unfortunately, I don’t know about the brain, I’ve never seen it, I only believe I have one. The human body is a big mystery. Scientist have tried to make sense of it all but not fully I reckon. Science can says we have a brain but doesn’t explain how the brain came to being, it says we have a heart but how? You cannot understand the ways of God let alone explain it. But hey, because of science we know we have a brain, that’s gotta count, right?

Like brain, the heart is unexplainable. One organ that pumps blood all day everyday (unless your body is subjected to cryogenics which is still practically impossible and you’d die!). They say you love with the heart too. How? Who knows man, it just happens. The heart also chooses to interpret reality as it suits it. That’s why he will beat her up every day but she will always defend him saying he’s a good man and such. It’s the heart. The heart chooses to see the good and ignore the beatings. I realized after the party that my heart was operating in the same angle. But to fair, she led me on.

She invited me to a party hosted by her friend. I arrived late because that’s the right thing to do. Why the hell would you go early to someone’s party anyway? Everyone was already there apart from the ones who were not. She ushered me in and squeezed me a spot next to her. We drank water, ate lots of food and talked. We talked and laughed a lot. And every time she laughed she’d lean on me or slap my shoulders. I thought, how is she finding me funny? Is she pretending or it’s the water (it’s actually water we drank, don’t go putting alcohol near this story). Then it clicked! They say if she laughs at every one of your jokes then she’s the one. So I figured I found her.

She held my plate as I went to receive a call. Mama Dearest wanted to check on her adorable son (me) because she missed me. Ha-ha, hell no! Mama wanted the keys to the digs because Jemo had stepped out and was not picking his calls. I was not ready to leave so I texted Mama that I was on my way home, then switched off the phone. I lied. I went back in and picked up the conversation somewhere close to where we had left it. Soon people started leaving and we remained fewer in the room. I thought to myself, “This is it”. Sometimes fate works in our wind and those times you pull down your sails and let it ride along. I was about to do just that when her phone rung. I thought, maybe it’s the folks or one of the Bff’s. She picked it

Hello babe,

Then the shock happened. The one people keep saying. A sharp chill ran down my spine? That shit happened to me man and it wasn’t pretty. Couple of seconds later I calmed myself. When she said the previous day that she liked me, I felt that thing. My heart saw a lady who likes me, my mind was already planning a future and now this? What was this…

“I love you too”, then she hang up!

The rest of the conversation wasn’t so easy. I kept trying to figure out if the person on call was her boyfriend or just a friend. Because girls have this habit of using the words babe and I love you too quite loosely. I was in doubt and I was starting to miss my mama so I switched my phone back on, no calls. We eventually left after she got a text. We walked holding each other to the main road. I had had enough talks for the day and resorted to doing what men never do, listen to women talk! We got to the road and a red vits packed up ahead. She rushed a hug and said bye. I thought, why is she in a hurry? Then it downed on me, the man driving the vits was her ride. I was left by the roadside man. Later that evening she texted me

Hey, I had a good time. You’re really fun. Paul says hi…I think you two would make good friends.

Who’s Paul?

My boyfriend…

I didn’t text her back man. I wish I knew who gave her my number, they’d have some questions to answer. Hey bill, did you give anyone my number?



At this point of the story I was laughing so hard my left lung hurt. I know, I’m a terrible person but wouldn’t you laugh too? I later told him to take it easy and life wasn’t over yet (me trying to be supportive). Funnily I was a certified counselor and was an official in the guidance and counselling team back in Kisumu Boys. Apparently, people were supposed to come to me with their life troubles and suicidal thoughts and I would in turn listen and tell them nothing other than suck it up. No one ever came to me if you are worried. Have you met boys in that school?

Sometimes ladies don’t like like like you, they just like you! Don’t try make sense of that….




5 thoughts on “frozen yogurt

  1. Haha! You were taken for a ride bro. By both the chick and whoever gave her your number. I guess they got to prove a fisi remains one. And now they are laughing about it. Laughing about you.

    Don’t stress it. What goes around comes around. And a girl must have a ride. I suggest you read “The slay me by The Rackster” for further insight.


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