Posted in My Thoughts

Benefactor

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Long before civilization, men with great authority and much depth in knowledge had already began talking about success and the works. Dating far into the chivalric era, the likes of Niccolo Machiavelli had already mastered the skill and began the decryption process for the rest. They say success is a function of one’s servanthood to others. In other words, successful people tend to strive in helping others more, it’s also a reward of hard work and many other impeccable attributes. But you already knew that, didn’t you? So I’m not going to talk about that. I’m going to tell you about me.

At age six we had to move due of unforeseeable alterations to life as I had come to know it. This meant a lot of things. First and probably the worst, I was to start on a new school. There’s no fun in being the new kid in school. I remember I cried stupidly as I was left behind in that strange place with all those strange people. I couldn’t take it. Situations made me abandon all my friend in another dimension and had to somehow make new ones here. Now that’s hard, even for grown-ups. I was in a new environment, in a new school and somehow normalcy denied me acquaintance. It was hard and overwhelming. This of cause impacted negatively in my performance, both academic and social. I became THAT kid.

In my class, we were always grouped according to previous academic performance and George had the first seat next to the teacher. I was fourth in front of the last person in the last row. Being brown in complexion and with a big nose I kind of stood out and somehow the teacher would point at me to answer only the difficult questions. Which, without disappointing, I always got wrong. It was as if she engineered, planned and executed my misery of a life. I ended up hating her. You don’t want to hate your teacher for whatever reason no matter how valid, because that won’t work in your favor. She got transferred.

Then one day a new teacher walked in. she was always flamboyantly dressed and had a warm smile. She didn’t know me, this was the perfect start over moment for me. It was like the heavens were working for me once again. I strived to impress my new teacher so much but you know, this things take time. I almost gave up and even thought at one point to claim comfort in my situation. I was hopeless.

In an English class, couple of days after I made a resolve to give up, she asked a question and the whole class didn’t know the answer. I wasn’t concentrating so didn’t even hear the question. “Yes, Bildad…” she called. I was so confused and she knew it, so she repeated the question. I didn’t want to look even more of a nitwit than I was so I mumbled something (I don’t remember what but I know I was so bloody wrong). She smiled, paused for a second and called me bright. Déjà vu right? But I’m no Ben Carson so relax.

She then made the whole class clap for me (they didn’t want to). She told us the correct answer and the class went on as usual. But not me, not my life. My spirit had changed in that instance. Everybody noticed me that day, even May talked to me that day (I still don’t know why). Long story short, on the next class arrangement, I was sitting on the first row directly behind George with two pupils in front of me.

The end.

So what happened? I’ll tell you what, Madam Faith happened. Her simple gesture made me overcome my shit. Her move to make the class appreciate me for being wrong made me want to be right henceforth. I looked forward to impress her and at least get a compliment from her. This of cause made me read more and with that my performance improved. Suddenly I was among the best pupils and that made sense. She made me. I’ve not seen her since primary three. I doubt I will. But God Bless you Ma’am.

Success might be all that you’ve heard and read or even more, but you need someone to achieve it. You always do. There’s this song that goes, no man is an island…no man stands alone… it speaks. See everybody has someone out there, a benefactor of some sought. Someone to either put them in the right path or hold their hand all the way. Mine back then was madam Faith. She made me embrace books and love it. Your greatness is tied to someone else out there, and it’s your duty to find them.

Without Merlin to forge the Excalibur for the great King Arthur, we wouldn’t have known about him. He would have just been one king who lived.

Without John Piermont Morgan to fund Thomas Edison’s project I doubt very much we would be where we are now.

Without Goliath to slay, David would be just another short person herding his father’s flock.

Some people are lucky to have their ‘someone’ double up as their life partners. Hence the say, behind every successful man theirs a woman. That’s why the first man was made for a companion.

Then here’s the twist. You are also someone’s someone in this big universe. You have a duty (I believe) to assist someone in their path of success. It might be a word you have to say to them, maybe a smile or just few coins. So you can be as stoic as you so desire but truth is there is no fun in that. You need help, everyone does so go out there, get yourself helped and in return carry it forward. The world would be a better place.

Incase all this is confusing, here’s a summary: – you cannot succeed alone, you shouldn’t brook with failure, you shouldn’t deny others help.

 

 

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Posted in My Thoughts

window

There is a fly outside the closed glass window. It’s so stubborn, it keeps hitting its head on the window time and again. I think it wants to get in. From its determination I’d say it’s pissed and it wants to serve justice in cold form. Someone in here must have pissed it off bad. I look around and see if I can identify the offender. Could it be the lady seated next to me? The lady with the beautiful face and a lovely hair style but had to ruin all that by piercing the lower lip? She types a lot and doesn’t look anywhere but her phones screen. Maybe she is typing some nuclear launch codes that would wipe all flies from the face of earth. She looks the type to type such (see what I did there). Or maybe it’s the guy on the phone right across us? He’s too loud and he doesn’t look apologetic about it. He has this nasty beard on him. The kind of beard that get a fly worked up. Or maybe am just thinking too much into it. Maybe the fly just want to get in and pass along disease causing bacteria. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been a fly before. I don’t even know if they are capable of being vindictive.

I have been seated here for the last 20 minutes. It’s not pretty, am so tired and late for an exam. An exam that I will probably not do well. It’s like that exam needs a last scorer and I have to deliver. There is a traffic jam. A slow one. There is a commotion up ahead. I think some guy just knocked another guy’s car and now we are being punished for it. People are shouting at themselves others are calming them down. The nduthi guys instantly become mediators and barristers. There is hooting all over. I hear catalyst roaring behind us, she isn’t happy. The tout is outside and the door is opened. There’s a cool breeze coming in. A calming fresh breath of life. Sent to remind me that I’ve been in worse and I would probably meet worse but it’s going to be fine.

Just the other day I had to run like a mad man from a mad man (oh! again) who was determined that I needed to be taught a lesson on something and saw it fit to beat me with some big stick. I had to run so shamelessly like a coward and it was embarrassing. People were looking at me crazy. But then again it’s never bravely being wiped by a mad man, it’s even less bravery fighting someone who lost his mental faculties.  Sharing the the ordeal with Omosh was the worst part of it all, he had a good laugh about it. In fact, I’ve never heard him laugh that hard. I vowed not to tell anyone ever, if I be chased by a mad man with a stick.

Omosh is an acquaintance of mine who most people mistake for my friend. He keeps me updated on what dirty thing is going on in Ronga. Who got caught? Who did this, why this, why that? And such like. He is a tout.

There is a reason why I like sitting next to the window. Aside from the view, it gives me control. For as long as my fare can take me, the window is mine. Mine to do as I please. I could open it and close it whenever I see fit and no one can do anything about it. I could open it for the fly but I won’t because am selfish that way. Am powerless about the traffic situation but this window I can make move. I love the idea, when a door shuts, God opens a window. So in my little wisdom I see a window as an opportunity…see, window of opportunities.

But it’s a window on vehicle? What opportunity comes of it? I thought you’d ask. Everyone need that little glimpse of hope sometimes, a voice to follow or I don’t know. What I know is that when am seated next to a window, I feel powerful. Not just because I get fresh air and that keeps the motion sickness at bay, but I also get to see what goes on out there. How people are busy doing their stuff. I’ve been told that I have a wide imagination, so let’s not get into what I could do with a window when difficulty shows its ugly face.

Am still in the traffic jam and as if it’s not painful enough, the driver turns up the volume on the radio. Some duo are talking about some very uninteresting topics. How women with money do need men and stuff, because which man is going to tell his millionaire wife to cook him some porridge or to massage his back?? Who? Am not a fun of the duo. But there is really nothing much I can do but listen and persevere. I look around and judge people. What better thing to do than judge random people in a public service vehicle right? Besides, what’s to say one of them isn’t judging me back?

Forty five minutes later I arrive at the school with much haste. I reach the class and the lecturer, with all his arrogance decides its ok to cancel the exam. The nerve that guy. With his pointed nose I bet he doesn’t know how consoling oneself on eminent fail on an exam is such a task. He most probably doesn’t know what I had been through. And then they ask me why I hate easily, I mean c’mon!

My mind runs back to the window on the vehicle and the fly…

Posted in My Thoughts

Rock Bottom

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Every once in a year, there is that one single moment when  I just sit down and marvel at the idea of hitting rock bottom. In my wisdom (doesn’t usually last) I somehow convince myself that hitting ground zero is the best thing to happen to a mortal. I spend long few seconds just being positive about it, something I picked up from reading the secret. Does it help? I don’t know, maybe. I never stick around to find out.

According to study, nature has it that there is always an instance in life when all hope is lost, pride evaporates. Where shame is just an arrangement of letters. This particular moment is a continuous circle, so no one immune to it. It eventually comes and as it comes it goes. Different people have different pictures of failure. But everyone hits rock bottom at some point. Eventually.

Where am I going with this?

Am I saying hit ground zero? No! Hell no, by all means avoid it, like a plague. Don’t think about it and you won’t be about it. Fear it if possible. Fear is the best weapon ever fashioned in the mind. So what if you hit it anyway? Be happy, smile about it. Be jolly as it’s the optimum level of freedom man will ever have. Why? Well as they say, the best thing about falling down is that you can’t fall any further, the only way you can go is up!

Most people hear this and automatically assume the best scenario. Hitting your lowest is like being in a deep hole with no rope to climb up. The hole is usually dark so there is that too. You have to cling and pull yourself up step by step. Navigating through the wall erections. Trying not to fall down. Which you will. And many times you will.

But with every try, you will reach a step further to ground. You might fall hard, fall when you are very close but eventually you will reach ground. And when you do, you won’t be the same again. You will be more careful not to go back again. If you are kind enough, you will help people not go there. If you were lazy before, you will still be lazy, only wise while at it. You might even find laziness being such a hard thing.

No one really knows for certain, what a single choice would do to tomorrow. You could analyze it all you want but forces within the universe aren’t so predictable. You might fall but that’s not the ‘it’. The ‘it’ comes in with how you deal with the fall. Some people are lucky, they have anchors. Other forces which help them get back up. But not everyone is some people.

Just be ready!

 

 

 

 

Posted in My Thoughts

Things I.T

it-specialist

This adorable soul, Mickey, always says, “why don’t you guys (Cynthia and I) do your juju stuff and make it work (it being her computer or a problem). She makes me smile always. She has dimples, cute dimples. And she couldn’t be more right. Almost 50% of what computer guys otherwise known as I.T guys do, is guesswork. Don’t get me wrong here. You will learn something yes, you will use it to solve a problem yes, but not every day, not every problem. I’m moved to say, I.T is the only career path you learn something new each day. No matter what honors you received in school.

That reminds me. During the holidays I met this young chap and I dared to ask him, “Hey what are you planning to do, now that you are done with Brother Abok?” he smiled.

And said, “If I pass…” I stopped him right there, see now I don’t like this boy this far. Such mentalities make me tired. I so believe you should be your number one fan. You should always believe in yourself. Even if you know you wear a cow boy underpants and not Armani, tell yourself it’s ok and no one will know, always have your back. Once you put an ‘If’ to your situation, no one can save you.

After I corrected him, he continued, “After I pass, I will join Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology… “Smart move, smart move” I thought, then I’ll involve myself with I.T stuff… “huh!!!” was my reaction. I asked him why I.T, he said he wanted to be a hacker. I laughed.

First of all, not every one of us knows the art of hacking. In fact not thanks to kali linux and few YouTube videos, you wouldn’t even be hearing the word hacker thrown around, most people who say they are hackers, are all frauds. And one more thing, information technology graduates don’t know everything about everything. Even though they will never say no to a challenge.

Every challenge is an opportunity to learn something new.

Here’s to you, you who wants to venture into this career path. Firstly off, be sure your goal isn’t to become a hacker, because I can safely promise you, you will be wasting your time. Now this path entails lots and lots of patience, perseverance and dedication. You will be stressed. You will be pressured. Both in school level and in career level. You need to be able to absorb all this pressure. If you can’t, go do stuff like B com.

My first class was full. Not that full but we were many students, the ratio was balanced and everything was OK, now it’s only more men less females. As we progressed, my fellows shifted gears others dropped school all together. No one believe it when Roxanne Hawi (bad-ass computer genius) said some will drop, some will run away.

That only goes to say, it’s not everybody’s cup of latte! Or tea.

Don’t think all your classes will be interesting, unless your definition of interesting is different from mine. Some of those classes you will be taught how to calculate binary numbers, 1’s and 0’s. To convert them from this to that form. You’ll learn about Jon Von Newman and Charles Babbage. If you are very unlucky, you won’t even be taught how to format a computer, let alone terminating a networking cable. You will wonder if you are in the right place. In layman, am saying get ready to be pissed off couple of times.

Have I said there is so much stress? Well there is, you see there is a reason why all if not most I.T guys are thin in physique. I like to think more of skinny but… You’d think they are being mistreated. Well it’s not mistreating, its work. You have to sit your ass down and eat those books. There are so many people doing I.T in Kenya right now, some think it has a good job market, others have an uncle who will get them into that big cooperation, others like me just think it’s cool to know stuff no one does. With that in mind, to make name or news, you have to either stand out or be outstanding. There is just no other way.

Personally I chose this because I just love computers a lot and also because telling someone you are an I.T guy has a pretty good ring to it. Find a good reason.

Another thing, once you are in this profession, you will be blamed for everything that happens around you. If you fixed a machine and the next day it spoils, you will be called incompetent. People will come at you with all their ignorance and you have to somehow take that in. Have some solid absorbers. Someone will even blame you if the internet is slow. So prepare to be hated. Not only in the profession but also in school level, I mean us guys we brag a lot. Not as much as law students brag (I think theirs is an ego problem). We throw words like algorithm, polymorphism, pseudo code, BIOS, debugging, encapsulation, decryption and many others, to very unsuspecting individuals, those we know wouldn’t get a thing we say.

Also don’t show off, it’s in bad taste. When someone calls you a god, politely tell him you are not. If you fix someone’s problem, please don’t reap them off, there is this thing called karma you know. Learn to share information, people learn by sharing.

And the good part of it all, wherever you get employed, there will always be internet. So don’t despair. Plus if you are lucky enough and get a job in a big company, 70% of your day will be spent on Facebook and twitter gossiping. Or downloading the latest series for the weekend.

One more thing, always stop the torrent seed! Just stop it for pit sake!

Have you watched the movie called I.T>? If you haven’t, then better don’t, that movie is a disgrace.

 

P/s: Cynthia and I are a bad-ass duo.

 

Posted in My Thoughts

Being an adult

growingup

Growing up, I always wanted to be an adult. I always looked at it as an out of jail free card. To me it seemed so easy. You can have whatever you want, do whatever you want when you want it and ultimately you don’t have to listen to anyone but yourself. Most of all, it meant no more butt whopping by mum for any mistakes whatsoever.

I talked to a friend of mine, who recently graduated and landed a fast job. The job is satisfactory and the pay is handsome. Before the talk; which was much more of an interview than a talk, I pictured him living the life. Living in his own house, driving a sleek Toyota corolla, (which is a pretty good ground for a first car if you ask me). But that’s all a camouflage. There is more to being an independent adult that meets the eye.

To paraphrase his words, some light in being an adult.

First and more importantly, you will have to fend for yourself.Money runs the world. You will have to work your butt off to get that dinero. It’s a no work no food, fiasco. The minute you lag behind of veer off this road called work, that’s when you start suffering. We call it poverty. (A pretty bad situation .)

With fending, comes reward. And that’s what we call salary. Now any normal homo sapien who has worked for something in their life know only too well that there is no room for wastage or rather, misuse. That’s were planning comes in.

Planning your life is the frontier to who you are going to be in a target period, as in the future. Planning how to use the money you earn. What amount is set apart for the basic needs, the food, the water, the clothing? What amount is for leisure and entertainment? This culture makes you second guess every rational idea in your head. It throws one into economical battles. You find yourself asking questions like “can I do without it?”  “Can I afford it and still be able to see it through this month?”.

Living alone you have to eat. Now cooking is not anyone’s favorite activities, at least for the people I know. In fact I would have it at the bottom of my to do list, any day. For a dude as lazy as I am, cooking is a no no. That’s where takeouts come in. problem is, cooking is much cheaper. You could cook githeri and eat it for supper, leave some for breakfast the following day. Now ain’t that just smart? (That’s rhetorical, don’t answer that).

Cooking also has its headaches. You have to mind the measure of cooking oil (you don’t want calories), salt and  even rice in a meal. You have to confirm if the gas is there(this is very important), and have a back up jiko na makaa just in case. You never know what can happen.

The biggest of all tiresome living alone chores ever, is doing laundry. God I hate it. I hate it a thousand times over as much as I hate people tagging me to posts saying ‘it works, it worked for me’ (like yoh, I don’t really care) on instagram .  And boy do I hate such individuals. I hate ironing even more. Don’t get me wrong, I love looking clean and nice and all but seriously, can’t they build washing booths like they do in those developed countries??

One thing am sure of is that, besides being lazy, the person who invented the washing machine was a genius. He should be given some Nobel price.

Worst of all this is minding your relatives and extended family tree. You have those nerve wracking distant relatives who you’ve never met, yet they claim to have changed your diapers. How they get you number will forever remain a mystery to you. They call, prolong the pleasantries asking totally irrelevant questions then boom! They drop them financial difficulties to you.

Funny how people see you driving a car and think you have it all figured out. Like you have some money stashed somewhere for charity.

Being adult lets you in on family secrets and the gatherings. You get to be worried about someone else’s troubles…troubles that really doesn’t touch you. But because you want to be nice, you do it… You become Clark Kent!

Of cause this isn’t all I got. But writing it all would make this boring and you wouldn’t read it anymore.

But hey, am not trying to imply any wrong in being an adult or independent for those much have said. Am just letting you know. After all, there are other things to being adult than paying taxes, mortgages, insurances, dodging the many eyes which tend to ask the question “when are you getting married??”. I just don’t know yet.

 

Ok, am out!

 

 

 

Posted in My Thoughts

This thing money

success-2

Hey,

So today I was watching one of Dr. Mike Murdock’s  many videos and its amazing how that guy can ignite such tremendous tremble of self worth and acute belief in oneself. His vindication of the gospel intertwined with lively wisdom is exactly the atmosphere one needs to be in.

He said a lot of great and immensely insightful things but what got me was his listing or rather his nomenclature of the different set of people. He says there are three types of people in this world. The first group are those who make things happen, those are the wealthy. The second lot are those who watch things happen, those are the middle class people. And the last group are those who aren’t aware that things are happening…

This has some truth in it if not wholesome truth. I sat there half the last bit of the video barely listening as this revelation sank in and found meaning. I wondered how this man had it all figured out. Something many of us are still struggling with.

This revelation further triggered what Tony Robbins told me. Tony is an amazing guy. He’s another brilliant soul out there who tells it as it is. Oh, tony doesn’t even know I exist; I met him in one of his books. In speciality am talking about his book ‘Money; Mastering the Game’ that book can turn your life around. Don’t let the word money throw you away into thinking this is another “how to be rich” kinda book.

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Tony had some particular questions he suggested I personalize… (Ever read the book and felt like the author was talking to you specifically?? That’s what happens with Tony’s books. Google him). The questions go like this;

  • What do you really want (what’s your vision)??
  • What is important about what it is you want??(values)
  • How will you get what it is you want??(methods)
  • What’s preventing you from getting what it is you want??(obstacles)
  • How will you know you are successful??(measurements)

Quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions

…remember that

He suggests that you ask yourself the 5 questions before you undertake anything. Be it studies, business or even courting that pretty girl in the hood. Its all round applicable.

Now back to my first realization. The people categories. Now am no expert and I didn’t author the play book making it in life. So do take my word for it… ha-ha

People out there are wired into the system. You know, the go to college, study hard, get a job (if fate allows, with a big multinational company with a good pay), work your butt off, retire and eat your retirement benefits; you know that money you get a small percentage till you die.

Well newsflash, the system is always rigged against us so you might wanna rethink that whole idea.

Most people stagnate because they are not willing to work. For instance, the gamblers out there betting on football games, hoping to hit the million shilling jackpot. Don’t get me wrong here; I have nothing against Sportpesa or betting of any sort. But who are we kidding? In all history recorded, no one ever became wealthy with gambling or by chance.

Paul says those who don’t work, shall not eat. God himself made it a law back in Eden. Now eat here doesn’t imply satisfying ones stomach urges. Eat here means success, reaping gratification of effort input in something , you get the idea…(you are smart).

The secret on getting ahead is getting started.

That’s a journey you have to take on your own. No one will force you to have a good life apart from yourself. Here is a tip I got from another brainiac (not brainiac in Smallvile, you know the brain construct from krypton? Yeah, not him). ‘The secret to wealth is simple: find a way to do more to others than anyone else does. Give more, do more, be more. Do this vehemently and I guarantee change in your situation.

Envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide.

That’s mine. I think it’s time. Stand up! Stand up for yourself.

I could write this on and on but I would just end up confusing someone.

I know you are asking yourself, “now if you know all this, why ain’t you rich??’ in my defense, I just realized this today so cut it …cut it yoh.  Am not telling you how you can make money. No… no… no…I wouldn’t possibly be able. Am telling you to read this crap and find something useful. Maybe an inspiration or a recall of what you already know.

Peace.

 

 

 

Posted in My Thoughts

Be in the fight

Find-Your-Fight

I’ve had challenges. Very unpleasant. I still have them, each and every day. I am looking forward to having more traumatizing ones in the future too. It’s not that am happy about it, am terrified, but am not shaken, am not sulking in a corner wishing I was dead (do people still say ‘the ground would open up and swallow me??’) or something. Am most certainly not looking for sympathy, empathy or pity from anyone.

No one said life would be easy. No one knows an easy way out; the word easy doesn’t have a shine in this matter life. If life was a human being, I have this feeling it could be the worst of all them dictators. It would make Hitler look like a joke. It would be that huge giant with big flashy shoes and a nasty beard (Irish brown), adorning a suspender with some tight pants. One hand would carry a wooden walking stick and the other a smoking pipe. Life would step on your foot and not care shit.

Which challenges am I talking about you ask? Well they are diverse. It might be financial challenges, maybe you don’t have enough money or maybe you have too much money you are worried about its security. It might also be spiritual or emotional. Even the simple selection of which bread to buy, which cloth to wear, which team to bet on (son don’t gamble, it’s a sin) or even the approach of eating fish; “should I start from the head to tail or vice verse” kind of challenges.

Now you there, complaining about this or that. It’s alright to complain, its human nature you know. Always looking for someone to blame and what not. It’s no one’s fault that you are in there.

The Bible tells us that God would never give one a challenge or task for that matter, that they couldn’t possible undertake. I do believe the Holy Quran has a similar saying somewhere. Now you might believe in the existence a supernatural being or not (even Charles Darwin finally believed in God, even if it was on his death bed). You not believing it doesn’t make it false, just so you know. The Holy book is ALWAYS right.

Kiswahili proverbs also remind us that “mola hamsahau mja wake” I think it’s something like that (Kiswahili was never a darling to me). You find a way to interpret that for yourself. All I know is that you can’t run out of encouragement or motivations to move on.

If reading is your calling then i recommend you get a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, read it memorize it and relate to it, be the state.

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But then again if reading isn’t your thing, go to YouTube, there are some pretty good motivational videos/ talk there (someone I know says, motivational talks are crap, he says no one can be de-motivated to be motivated by speech). I disagree of cause. Some people just need to be talked to. To be reminded of how strong they are, how strong they can be if they take a step further.

It’s not a crime to feel like the world is giving up on you. To feel like calling it quits and throwing in the towel. It’s perfectly understandable. What is a crime is doing the actual giving up. The worst kind of crime, because it’s done by you to yourself. Nothing could be any worse.

We were not brought to earth to be quitters. We are not some losers who can just walk away from an obstacle. We are the superior creation. We are the dominant creatures here on earth. We have the dominion.

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Now I don’t know about you but am willing to fight on. Am determined to push further. Am too focused on escaping the abyss of defeat. Am making my stand and taking control of my destiny.

Fact is life doesn’t come with a manual or a control switch. If you don’t do anything, no one will. As Darwin would synthesis it in his theories of evolution, “only the dominant species survive” in other words only the strong survive.

Am not trying to tell you how to deal with your demons, challenges and what not. All am saying is  deal with it. Your way or whichever way, as long as you keep fighting.

Its every man for himself,….God for us all.